happy anniversary to my love
Last week we celebrated our wedding anniversary, and every year when I sit down to write something about this man and this marriage, I realize that the older I get, the less interested I am in writing about some perfect version of love. Because that isn't what we have. We have the real thing. I don’t write things like this to boast. I write this to show others who may be struggling in their relationships, or to younger people who may believe that a relationship or marriage is something they aren’t interested in, that having a true partner to bare witness to your life, the joy and the heartbreak, the good, bad, the ugly….the best versions of you, your growth, your falls, etc….is one of the most beautiful gifts this life has to offer. I am beyond grateful that our paths crossed in this life.
We have the kind of love that has lived through joy and grief, adventure and heartbreak, laughter and tears, healing and unraveling, ordinary and uneventful days, and days that changed everything. We've watched each other grow older, and somehow we've also watched each other grow younger in all the ways that matter. Through doing all of “the work,” we’ve both become freer, softer, wiser. Every day, we get closer and closer to our true selves, our true essences….the beings we were before life changed us into multiple versions of ourselves with many different masks, to cope with and survive in the world building around us.
Years ago, Bobby wrote that if he could turn back the clock, he would find me sooner so he could love me longer. I loved those words then and I love them now, but I wouldn't change the clock. Every road we traveled before finding one another made us the people who were finally able to recognize each other when we arrived. And every road we've traveled since has made this love something I couldn't possibly have understood when we first met.
Back then there was chemistry and electricity and that crazy, undeniable feeling of there you are. Now there is knowing. There is being able to sit beside someone in silence and feel completely at home, safe, secure, seen, and held. There is being witnessed at my absolute best, when I’ve shined my brightest, AND at my absolute worst…. and somehow still being looked at like I’m something special….magic.
There is also something incredibly beautiful about having someone who doesn't need you to stay the person you were when they fell in love with you. Someone who gives you room to change, question, heal, fall apart, rebuild and become. Bobby has given me that gift over and over again. He has loved every version of me I've brought home, and as Emory Hall says, I have been a thousand different women.
We've learned that marriage isn't two people completing one another. It's two whole human beings continuing to become themselves while reminding each other, I'm still here. Keep going. I've got you. That's what I treasure most about us. We do the work—on ourselves, on our marriage and on this beautiful, messy little life we've created together.
We've learned when to hold on and when to give each other room. We've learned that sometimes love looks like grand adventures, belly laughs and dancing in the kitchen, and sometimes it looks like sitting quietly beside someone while they find their way back to themselves.
I used to think the greatest love story was finding your person. I don't anymore. I think the greatest love story is continuing to discover them. Because Bobby, I still discover you. And somehow, after all these years, I still look at you and think, there you are. My husband, my partner, my safe place, my road trip buddy, my ruckus, my whole heart, and my home.
And if I were standing at the beginning again knowing everything I know now—the beautiful parts, the painful parts, the growing pains, the lessons, the losses, the laughter, the healing, all of it—I would still reach for your hand. Every single time.
Happy Anniversary, Bobby. Thank you for loving me without asking me to be smaller. Thank you for giving me the freedom to keep becoming who I am, and for trusting me enough to do the same for you. Thank you for sharing this precious, beautifully messy, perfectly imperfect extraordinary life with me.
I adore you, baby. Here's to all those tomorrows we once wondered about, and all the ones we haven't lived yet. ❤️
